Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now. All of those old wounds stick around, just waiting to be re-opened. You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit. If you're still friends with your ex , it wasn't that serious, or it's still serious. And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness.

Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive. Of course, that's going to hurt. Inherently, it's a selfish thing.


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You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands.


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Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for. If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make.

Wait - Is It Ever Acceptable To Date Your Friend's Ex?

Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible. First, be real with yourself. Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for? Or is she just an attractive person who finds you attractive, too? Those two things are so, so easily confused. Approach these questions with the maximum possible skepticism about yourself. If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind.

If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate. And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits.

It’s never OK to date your friend’s ex – and this is why

If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush. It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women.

I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation. Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until he met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell. They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it.

Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: There was only one weird thing about her, which is that I would occasionally catch her looking at me a little funny.

Dating Your Friend's Ex - AskMen

I suspected that she had a low-key crush on me. Take a break from seeing your friend. Stop calling, texting, and asking to hang out with your friend. If you need to see them every day because you go to the same school or job, have a conversation with them so that they aren't confused as to why you stopped hanging out with them.

Distancing yourself from the new relationship may prevent you from getting jealous or angry. If negative feelings are still prevalent in your mind, it may be best to avoid both of them until you feel better about it. I still want the best for you, so I think I need a break from hanging out with both of you. I hope you can understand that. However, remember that your friend and your ex are both separate people from you, and that their relationships are their own.

Focus on being the best person you can be. Taking time to focus on building your strengths can boost your confidence and help you move forward. It can also help you gain a better understanding of who you are as a person, independent of other people in your life. Hang out with other friends to take your mind off the situation.

Call other friends and make plans to hang out or put yourself in social situations so that you can meet new friends.


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Having friends around for support and being social when you're upset can make you feel better about the situation. You could also explain the situation to your other friend if you need to get it off your chest or talk about it to someone else. Preoccupy your mind with an activity or hobby. Treat yourself to something that brings you joy. Think of something that really brings you joy, like your favorite food, a trip to the beach, or a relaxing spa day, and treat yourself.

You can also spend time with other friends who are emotionally supportive.

Get NoDafied

Doing positive things for yourself can help center you and keep your mind off of the situation. Rekindle your friendship when you're ready. Think about the situation and reach out to your friend when you're no longer upset about them dating your ex. You may even be able to build a relationship with your ex so that things aren't awkward in group settings.

Call or text your friend and ask to hang out, even if you haven't in a while. Talk about why you felt bad but explain that you're ready to move on. You can say something like, "Hey Kendra, I know it's been a while but do you want to hang out? Then this is an unhealthy situation and he shouldn't be in a relationship with your friend. If this is the case, it might be best to sit down and have a conversation with both of them. Not Helpful 0 Helpful 3. It will take time for you to get over them.

Do things that preoccupy your mind and try meeting new people or hanging out with other friends. Even though it doesn't seem possible right now, your sad feelings will eventually pass and you can meet someone even better. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Already answered Not a question Bad question Other.

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