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Despite all of us eventually growing older and parting ways, most of us stayed friends and would hang out regularly on holidays, still go camping in summer and so on. Jane and I started dating when I was 16 and she was We dated for 7 years, last 2 years living together. During the time we were living together, we would often hang out with Mike, another friend from the childhood friend group. One year before our break-up, she cheated on me with my then best friend Bob.
Despite me willing to forgive her and move on, she wanted to break up, but we eventually agreed to try again. After a rather ugly year of her doing stupid things just to make me angry and me being afraid to say a word without triggering another episode of threats of her leaving me, she finally broke up with me and moved out.
Despite realizing that it was the inevitable outcome at the time, I was devastated. I found out through a mutual friend that a few months later, she started dating another of our friends, Mike. Her dating Mike, in fact, did not surprise me that much. What surprised me was that I had to learn about it from a third party, since I would expect and very much prefer Mike to approach me and tell me about it face to face. I realize that what she does is not my business anymore and I have to deal with my feelings.
I am quite introverted I did not make new friends since high school. If I want to keep my very few friends which I do , I am bound to come across the couple eventually. I don't have to interact with both Jane and Mike, but I want to.
Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style
Chances are that if I wanted to break any contact with them, I would lose all my friends. I would like to keep in touch with these friends and keep hanging out with them regularly. I want to keep my friends including Mike and basically not address the fact of them dating. That would be awkward for everybody, so I am looking for a solution which would do the least damage to friendships and still keep my face. My issue is that given our history, I have no idea how to interact with them when it comes to it. What would be a mature way to handle it?
I'll start out by quoting apaul's very gracious answer:.
It's good to recognize they can do what they want, but your feelings are also valid. If these people are your friends, they should care about you too. Dodging the issue and sweeping it under the rug won't do anything to reduce tension, it will only allow it to fester. Maybe Mike feels just as awkward about it as you do and is planning to remove himself from the friend group so you don't have to see him - you won't know until you talk to him.
Pretending they aren't dating is not a viable solution, so you might as well deal with it. Approach the conversation with a goal in mind. Do you want an apology?
Do you want to know XYZ? Do you want him to never talk about XYZ? Do you just want to say your piece? This will help keep you on track if things get difficult. Try to stay focused and calm during the conversation - remember that he didn't do this to hurt you - and don't be afraid to take a step back if you need to. If your goal is just "be not awkward around Mike", what would that look like for you? Try to frame it as unemotionally as possible.
Perhaps this means "we won't talk about Jane", "we will acknowledge each other at events and act civilly, but I won't expect him to talk to me one-on-one".
My best friend is dating my ex boyfriend
Take this to your conversation, too, and discuss ground rules and expectations for your relationship with Mike going forward. If Mike responds poorly, that sucks, but now you know. Talk to your other friends in the group - they are surely aware of the situation - about how to approach it. Maybe you can get together without Mike on occasion try not to make them pick sides, though , or maybe you just need to distance yourself for a while.
- Is Your Friend Dating Your Ex? 3 Ways To Handle Yourself With Grace And Style | HuffPost Life.
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Hopefully they will be understanding. If they take sides, that's again very unfortunate, but sometimes happens, and I suggest AndreiROM's advice to find a new group that is more caring about you. I had such a conversation a few months ago. While it didn't magically make everything OK, the strategy of preparing questions and getting them answered made me feel satisfied that it went about as well as possible, and helped my peace of mind about dealing with that particular person in the future.
Your story is a little confusing, however the overarching theme is that your ex, and your friends are walking all over you. My advice to you is to look deep inside, realize that you're worth more than this, and move on with your life. Here are some hard facts:. Anyone willing to hook up with your friend behind your back is not worth the time of day. She's a cheater, and always will be.
Purge every trace of her from your life. Any so called friend who would hook up with your girlfriend behind your back is a back-stabbing fiend, and not worth having around. You seem to be in a fragile state of mind, but those things cannot be ignored. If you think you can simply rejoin the circle of "friends", and act like nothing's happened, then you think less of yourself than even they do.
I urge you to find new friends. Get out there, join a club, start up a new hobby! Find a reason to gain value in your own self before seeking the approval of strangers. Learn a new language and travel. Start painting, hiking, wall climbing, whatever captures your imagination. You probably don't want to get any closer to the action than you need to, so when you're stuck in the same social scene, take the seat at the opposite end of the table, or strike up a conversation with the cute guy or girl at the other end of the bar.
Until you're comfortable with the situation, it's best to avoid confrontation -- it can only make you upset and say or do something you may regret. If you're the person dating your friend's ex, you've got a much harder job.
3 Ways to Deal when an Ex Dates a Friend - wikiHow
Talk to your friend: Ideally, you know that at best this situation is uncomfortable, and it's your job to talk to your friend. Your new partner your friend's ex should as well, but remember that they have broken up, while you and your friend are still "together. If you want to keep your friendship, the worst possible thing you can do is lie. For most people, when all is said and done, it will be more about how you handled the situation versus the situation itself. What won't be excused is dishonesty -- for example, making your friend believe it's "nothing serious" when it really is, or lying about where you really were on Friday night when you bailed on that group dinner.
This will destroy trust, and with it any chance of maintaining the friendship. Same advice, different meaning. You've got the relationship; your friend does not. Try not to flaunt it.