In the past, I actually enjoyed the game of communicating with him through witticisms, through always being somewhat indirect.
- Dating Someone Who Isn't "Your Type" | Her Campus.
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- How To Start Dating Outside Your Type.
- When you Fall for Someone Who Just isn't your Type | Futurescopes.
This time, I saw clearly now what I had been blind to before: I saw so clearly that his witty banter — not that there's anything inherently wrong with it — served as a barrier. He uses his humor and intelligence as a defense mechanism against really being known. I also saw how he used his concrete markers of success not only to impress others into loving and respecting him, but also as protection against being exposed and recognized as his essential self , stripped down and raw.
On this second go-around of "meeting" him, I was bored. At first, I was confused by my boredom: I once cared deeply for this man. Yet I could still access, without resentment or charge, that part of me that knew why the relationship had ended. Reuniting with him helped confirm that my taste in partners has changed. Men who I would have fallen for before no longer pique my interest like they used to, and I find myself attracted to men I might not have noticed before. As disorienting as it can feel, I now see this as a good sign, a sign of my growth.
Being bored with your old "type"— especially if your type has never brought you the kind of love you want — is often a sign that you're outgrowing old, unproductive patterns, and getting more in touch with how to really be your essential self. To the mind, nothing is more important than safety, so it will do anything to ensure that we remain unharmed, even if this means investing in an emotionally unavailable person out of habit. In fact, if we find ourselves often dating people who are emotionally unavailable, there's a good chance that we are also unavailable or that close emotional connection scares us somehow.
It’s Not Settling to Love Someone Who Doesn't Match Your Fantasy
Or sometimes we invest in an emotionally available person who we know can't really give us what we want maybe they're already in a relationship or they're a self-proclaimed "lone wolf". This is really the flip side of the same, unavailable type.
Maybe your old type is the kind that jumps into relationship with both feet right away, proclaiming love after a date or two. Sometimes this is also a sign of emotional immaturity because the person who dives in so quickly isn't as concerned about really exploring the connection with the other person as they are with being in a relationship. All of these scenarios have information for us to work with.
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When we are in relationship with, or attracted to, a certain type of person, we are attracted to him or her for a reason. If you've been attracted to or attracting a certain kind of person for a long time and aren't getting what you want, take a moment to see what your type might be showing you about yourself. In the sticky places of those relationships lies a pearl of wisdom for you.
So this year we are seeking more for ourselves, which is why I'm telling you now to get out of the habit of accepting the same ol' thing you've been doing.
If it hasn't worked yet, it probably won't. I keep feeling the need to clarify because I know how easily people create lines to read between. There are no hidden messages here, homegirls and homeboys!
Adjusting your type calls for raising the bar, not settling for the next one down! The best way to explain would be a comparison: We will use shoes in this example. You find the perfect pair of shoes--cute, affordable, the whole nine yards.
Food is Medicine
BUT the gag is, they're a brand you're not used to wearing. Is that reason enough not to at least try them on for size? This is the point that we all say in unison, "of course not! Now, the brand is enough to stop some people, but you just have to decide if you're going to be one of those people. Will you let the unfamiliarity stop you from getting into something with great potential?
You are here
If there's someone on your mind, I highly encourage you to reach out to them. Here's a conversation starter: Just consider keeping more of an open mind in terms of dating and wading in the dating pool. Don't limit your options! Use your intuition, but also remember that some people are still glowing up, figuring life out, and coming into their own.
And you are too! Try not to be too hard on yourself or your potential suitors. And if you are on the pursuing end, then maybe you should go for something new and see what comes of it.
How To Start Dating Outside Your Type
And of course, if this doesn't apply directly to you then help a friend! The best shots come from great assists. It could be an opposites attract type of thing or one of those sweet instances where you both keep missing each other because life is getting in the way, regardless of the circumstances that may be deterring you make sure that YOU aren't one of them.
Get out of your own way so the person you're meant to be with has room to come in. If you're seeking a good and healthy relationship it will come soon enough. Sending everyone wonderful and vibrant Valentine's Day vibes!