Which state do you teach in? So I can make sure that my children never come in contact with a predator such as yourself. It's not predatory for a grown 20 something to date a 30 something former teacher of theirs. An adult dating another consenting adult is not a crime. And when your admin finds out about your "adult relationship" and you find yourself on the unemployment line, at least you'll have the former student to comfort you. I know that they can't fire you for dating an ex student but there are ways for admins to get people to resign who they don't want at the school.
If I was your admin I would not want a person who would date an ex-student on my staff. Good luck with finding your future husband in one of your classes though. OP said that he has a small age gap with his current students so it wouldn't be weird if 8 years from now, he ran into one of them and they hit it off and ended up dating.
You're sitting here talking like he's luring students into his windowless panel van with candy and shoving a chloroform cloth over their faces. Speaking of trolls, you're probably some fat, hairy bachelor that doesn't need to worry about having kids. You should be worrying about your own love-life.
Ad hominem attacks are a clear indication that you have lost the argument, so thanks for that. Are you even a teacher? I'll be student teaching next semester, in CO, if you actually care. But in spite of my unwarranted attacks on your vehement character, the countless downvotes and rebuttal from others in this thread are an indicator that you are out of touch with the dominant teaching culture. I hope you can still see your penis under your gut, happy holidays ad hominem is my favorite fallacy: I can do this all day. I'll look for you in the news. Feelings can not be helped.
The fact the teacher did NOT take advantage when he could speaks more volumes for his character than if he had not had the feelings at all. What an odd morality check. So because something would've once been inappropriate based upon the roles it's always inappropriate? This is like saying that since it's inappropriate for a boss to date a subordinate fair enough therefore it's inappropriate for a person to date someone that was ever their subordinate even if ten years had passed.
What am I missing? Why is it immoral or inappropriate to date a fellow consenting adult that was once a student? The difference between your analogy is the fact that the boss-subordinate relationship began when both parties were adults. In contrast, the teacher-student relationship began when one person was underage. Even if there was no inappropriate behavior while the underage party was still in school, there would be questions as to the timeline of the relationship.
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No admin would want a teacher working in their schoo who had questionalble morals. I wouldn't feel comfortable working with someone who sees ex students as possible sexual partners. Parents would be horrified at the situation. I still can't figure out why people are arguing so hard for the right to date their students. It shouldn't even be a consideration for a professional. Should it, absolutely not.
So you see, your analogy is not valid. If a 40 year old teacher began a relationship with a 33 year old former student, no one in admin would care, the community would have no idea--nor would it be their business--and no one would question the timeline of the relationship. This isn't the town in Footloose. What are you talking about?
No one in this thread has advocated for dating their students. This line is nonsense and completely misrepresents the argument. Nothing you've said even attempts to explain why it's wrong. Hypothetical people being offended doesn't make it morally wrong. There is the way the world should work in which case, your logic would make perfect sense and there's the way the world actually works. People are gossips by nature and something as controversial as dating an ex student would get around fast.
If you choose to date an ex student, go for it. But don't be surprised if others do not share your liberal philosophy of teacher-student dating. Why risk your career for a relationship that will most likely go nowhere. It shows a lack of judgment in my opinion.
Dating someone who is under your authority is never ethical, regardless of the situation. True informed consent is impossible under those circumstances. Also, it's not a career risk for a tenured teacher. An investigation may occur, true, but there is absolutely nothing anywhere that says you cannot date a former student, so the teacher's career is not in jeopardy at all. As long as there is no evidence that the relationship started while the student was in the teacher's class, anyway.
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Yes, people would raise eyebrows. However, anyone willing to let raised eyebrows keep them from a fulfilling relationship deserves to be alone. A lot of first-time high school teachers are fresh out of college, which makes them 22,usually. A high school graduate is 18 in most cases, or on the cusp, so no, it's not weird That window closes very, very quickly.
I'm a teacher who went too far with a former student
Also, from a professional standpoint, it's kind of grey. It would be much worse if you made a habit of it. It would be totally unethical on my opinion to date them at that age. Even though the age between you is small, the power dynamic remains.
I think you'd have to wait until the student had grown up and got their own adult life. I would much rather live a moral life than have some make believe votes, so yea, not really worried about that. I don't care how many imaginary points I lose, the bottom line is that it's inappropriate to date a person who you taught. I see it as taking advantage of a position of power that was entrusted to you by the public.
It also seems predatory because of the unequal power dynamic. The poster was talking about a gap of 8 years before it was "ok" to date a student. Not cool in my book. If it was a current student, then yes, what you said about power dynamics would absolutely be true.
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However, an 18yr old is an adult, and, as a teacher, you'd have no power over her. I think that's a bit naive to think that. This is the grey area that makes me feel uncomfortable about the whole situation. My first year teaching was for 10th grade. So about a 6 year age difference.
I know several and I've been invited to baby showers and all sorts of things. A group still invites me out to lunch when we're all in town. I've even had them come up to me at local bars drinking. I ran into a boy from class at the gym.
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He was turning 21 so I was probably 26 or 27 at the time. I won't lie, I thought a cute guy was checking me out. I was really making good time on the treadmill, too And that pretty much ruined it for me. I can't see my kids as anything but. Even when they're married and have more kids than I do, it just seems weird to consider them adults. I mean as a student I see it as creepy and weird if they've just graduated, but if they come back five years later more mature and an ADULT, not a student, I don't see a problem with it.
They're barely the same person they were years before that when they had the teacher for class, I'm guessing. If they had gotten together right after graduation I would guess there had been something going on the whole time and that's sketchy. In the UK, by law a teacher cannot date a current student of any age and cannot date an ex-student below 18 mandatory education finishes at I know of teachers from when I was at school who dated students as soon as they left school and are now married with children.
It's a little weird but people get over it. By mandatory education I meant at a recognised school.