You get a new and even prettier girlfriend, or hang out with your friends more, or get into jiu jitsu or knitting.

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You get a new life so you don't spend all your time sitting around and crying about your old one like the baby you are. Sure, people will talk about their old relationships and say that they're "over it" or that it "wasn't meant to be," or pepper you with other related nonsense phrases, but what they mean is they're not thinking about it right now. All of those old wounds stick around, just waiting to be re-opened. You're always going to feel weird when you see your ex, at least a little bit.

If you're still friends with your ex , it wasn't that serious, or it's still serious.

When Should You Go After Your Friend's Ex?

And, if you date your friends' ex, you're telling your friend that your romantic feelings are more important than their happiness. Because they're going to see you holding hands with their ex, and remember how nice that felt, and if you think they won't envision you having sex together, you're being naive.

Of course, that's going to hurt. Inherently, it's a selfish thing. You're saying, "screw you and your silly emotions, I've got to get laid. Does this mean you should never, ever date a friend's ex? It means that it's a bad idea, but that's not the same as "never do it. It's possible that you've got an uncommon romance on your hands. Maybe this is your future wife, or muse, or whatever it is that you're looking for.

If this is the case, you'd be missing out on years of potential passion if you passed up on this girl for the sake of sparing your friends' feelings. Like I said, this is a tough one. You've got a hell of a decision to make. Accordingly, you should treat this like any other important decision, which is to say that you should get as much information as possible.

First, be real with yourself. Is this girl really special to you? Is there actually an uncommon reaction between you — some sort of deep compatibility that's worth alienating your friend for? Or is she just an attractive person who finds you attractive, too?

Those two things are so, so easily confused. Approach these questions with the maximum possible skepticism about yourself. If you feel fluttery every time you talk to a pretty girl, keep that in mind. If you're currently lonely and you really need to get laid, consider that maybe you're just desperate. And dwell on the fact that some of your excitement might just come from the taboo nature of this potential relationship, because, like everyone else, you want what's off-limits. If I were a betting man, I'd bet that your crush on this girl is just like any other crush.


It's a fun illusion, which, if pursued, might reveal a great relationship, or might not. Odds are, that's what this is, in which case you should probably just sigh, move on, and hit up your online dating site of choice, where you can find lots of other crush-worthy women. I found out about this the hard way, in a similar situation. Tom, one of my childhood friends, was always kind of bummed out, until he met Josie, a fast-talking, high-energy woman who brought him out of his shell.

They had a sparkling relationship — they were one of those couples that just radiated warm, gooey, nauseating passion — and I was super envious of it. Also, obviously, Josie was an outrageously foxy person: It'd ruin the friendship. Thanks for the input guys.

Poll: how long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex?

Waiting a bit has awakened the cautious side in me. I'll at least have to speak to him about this whole situation. Too many potential landmines waiting to go off. Jonluw, I personally agree with your sentiment, but of course this isn't just about the way I look at things. So I'm in something of an awkward situation.

One of my best friends who I work with broke up with his girlfriend about a month ago.

Since that time, she and I started running in the mornings. Well, today she essentially came onto me, but I gracefully denied her. My friend is under the impression that they are going to get back together at some point, though he definitely wasn't all that broken up when they first broke it off. Either way, I can't and don't really want to hide it from him if anything happens. Her and I both agree that he's a good guy and she's terrible at hiding things anyway.

Anyway, since this thread wasn't designed specifically for me to tell you about my sex life , this led to a question that has been asked all over the internet. That said, I'm not sure if it has recently been asked on this particular forum. How long should one wait before going out with a friend's ex? I realizes that there are sometimes circumstances that don't really render the situation so simple such as the position that I'm in right now , but for the poll's sake let's pretend we're speaking about a simple "they broke up and it's over" case.

Advice for my own situation is welcome also. Wait until you talk to your friend about it, fucking duh. Why are people allergic to talking. If he doesn't want you to go for it, then decide if you are willing to risk losing your friend over her. If you are, go for it anyway, if you aren't, don't.

If he is ok with you going for it, go for it. It's that fucking simple. Fuck the games, fuck the waiting period, if you actually have even one fucking iota of respect for your so-called friend, then talk to him about it like two functional adult human beings. Damned if I know. If by that question you actually mean "how long should you wait before going out with her without the likely chance of my friend hating me? In your case, I wouldn't go with her right now, especially since your friend still obviously loves her and wants to get back together. If you go with her now, he'll think you stole her.

Also, I've already posted an update post in the thread. It's good to read through them. After years of extensive testing and long hours of theoretical maths to the tunes of Survivor I have perfected a formula for this occasion. Where Rd is the number of days the relationship lasted, br is the number of weeks since the break-up and B is a multiplicating factor dependant on your position on the "bro scale" a subjective scale of how good a friend he is to you ranging from 10 - 1, where 10 is an acquaintance and 1 is your best friend. Your result x is the number of days you should wait before engaging in anything serious.

But I have to say this could actually work as a formula. I'm dating a friends ex - we've been together now for five years - so, speaking from personal experience:. I had always been attracted to Helga but had not acted on it as she was already dating Bert when I first met her. So anyhow, the two of them had this long talk where they came to the conclusion that their relationship was going nowhere and wasnt going to work out, and they decided it was best if they split up.

I waited a couple of months before making a move, and after our first date when me and Helga decided we were in fact an item now, the first thing I did was sit down with Bert and make sure he found out from me rather than anyone else what the situation was and that he was OK with it. Bert was very cool and totally OK with the situation and is still friends with me and Helga.

In summary, my opinion is: I think dating a friends ex CAN work, but its important to make sure that no-one is being used to make anyone else jealous, and that everyone understands what is going on. Talk to your friend first. If he's cool with it I don't see why not. You should talk to your friend first.

Otherwise your just an asshole. You don't have many friends by any chance? I don't think I could bring myself to date a friend's ex, not because I think it's wrong or disrespectful, but just because I really hate drama.

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Having said that, by the time me and my first boyfriend broke up, I was in terribly in love with my best friend, who was also one of my ex's best friends. I was really really hacked off that it was so taboo and that my best friend got all the shtick for getting with a girl he'd had a crush on for two years just because he'd made friends with her boyfriend.

And I guess that's the perspective you're concerned with. Is it really worth the potential disastrous drama? Granted i do not have this problem because the moment a friend dates someone I have zero interest in her forever. Keep in mind if there is a falling out between you two you run the dreaded "friend custody" gauntlet where all of your friends and acquaintances line up on one side or the other. There are important rules for this.